If your partner just told you she is pregnant, you are probably feeling a mix of emotions. Maybe you are panicked. Maybe you are excited. Maybe you are just numb.
But right now, your partner is carrying the physical weight of this reality. She is the one experiencing the symptoms, the hormones, and the anxiety about what comes next. One of the most important first steps you will take together is the ultrasound appointment.
For a lot of guys, the ultrasound feels like a "medical thing" that they just have to show up for. But for her, having you there—mentally and physically—makes a huge difference.
At iChoose, we encourage partners to be part of the process. Here is how you can step up and support her during this pivotal appointment.
Show Up (And Be On Time)
This sounds simple, but it is the most important step. Do not make her go alone.
Walking alone into a new place, even a safe place like a pregnancy center, can feel incredibly isolating for a woman. By physically being there, you are sending a silent message: "We are in this together."
-
Clear your schedule: Don't try to squeeze it in between meetings. Make it a priority.
-
Drive her there: Take the logistical stress off her plate.
Know What the Appointment Is For
If you are walking in blind, you might feel awkward. Knowing the "why" behind the ultrasound helps you stay engaged.
At iChoose, our limited obstetric ultrasound answers three specific questions:
-
Is the pregnancy viable? (Is there a heartbeat?)
-
How far along is she? (This determines the due date and her options.)
-
Is it safe? (We check to make sure the pregnancy isn't ectopic, which is a dangerous medical condition.)
You aren't just there to look at a screen; you are there to get medical answers that affect both of your futures.
Speak Up (But Listen First)
The sonographer or nurse will likely ask her a lot of questions about her health and her feelings. Let her answer first. This is happening to her body, and she needs to feel heard.
However, don't be afraid to ask your own questions.
-
"What does that mean?"
-
"Is everything looking normal?"
-
"What are the next steps?"
Asking questions shows that you are paying attention and that you care about the outcome.
Be Her "Safe Person"
An ultrasound can be emotional. If the news is unexpected, she might cry. If there is no heartbeat, she might be devastated. If she sees the life on the screen, she might feel overwhelmed.
Your job isn't to "fix" her emotions; your job is to be a steady presence. Hold her hand. Offer a tissue. Just sit with her. If she is anxious, your calmness can help ground her.
Keep the Conversation Going Afterward
The appointment doesn't end when you walk out the door. The drive home is crucial.
Don't just turn on the radio and zone out. Ask her:
-
"How are you feeling about what we just saw?"
-
"What are you thinking right now?"
Share your own feelings, too. It is okay to admit if you are scared or if the reality just hit you. Honest communication is the foundation of a strong relationship, especially during a crisis.
We Are Here for Both of You
At iChoose, we know that an unplanned pregnancy affects men, too. You are welcome here. We want you to feel comfortable asking questions and understanding your role.
If you are navigating an unexpected pregnancy, take the first step together. Contact iChoose today to schedule your free, confidential appointment in Clayton or Knightdale.