Seeing a positive pregnancy test changes your world in an instant. But sharing that news with your partner and getting a negative reaction? That can feel like the ground is falling out from under you.
Maybe he shut down. Maybe he became angry. Maybe he immediately demanded you get an abortion.
When the person you were counting on for support becomes a source of pressure, it is easy to feel trapped. You might feel like you have to do what he wants just to keep the peace or save the relationship.
At iChoose Pregnancy Support Services, we want you to know something important: His fear does not get to make your decision.
Here is how to navigate this tricky situation while staying true to yourself.
Distinguish Between Fear and Control
First, try to understand where he is coming from. For many men, an unplanned pregnancy triggers an immediate "fight or flight" response. He might be panicking about finances, his career, or his freedom. When people panic, they often look for the fastest "fix."
However, there is a big difference between a partner who is scared and a partner who is controlling.
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A scared partner might say, "I don't know how we can afford this," or "I'm terrified."
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A controlling partner says, "You have to get rid of it," "I’ll leave you if you don't," or "You’re ruining my life."
If he is using threats, guilt, or financial manipulation to force your hand, this is a red flag for reproductive coercion. You deserve to make a choice free from manipulation.
Press the Pause Button
When a partner is pressuring you, everything feels urgent. He might be pushing you to schedule an appointment today.
You have permission to slow down. This is a major medical and life decision; it is not one that should be made in a panic.
Before you make any appointments, you need to confirm what is actually happening in your body. A simple urine test isn't enough. You need an ultrasound to answer three critical questions:
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Is the pregnancy viable? About 1 in 4 early pregnancies end naturally in miscarriage. You may not need an abortion procedure at all.
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How far along are you? You cannot know your true options (or the costs involved) without knowing the exact gestational age of the pregnancy.
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Is it safe? An ultrasound rules out ectopic pregnancy, a dangerous condition where the pregnancy forms outside the uterus.
At iChoose, one of the services that we provide is ultrasound scans at no cost to you. It’s a safe, private way to get the facts without anyone pressuring you.
Ask Yourself: "What Do I Want?"
If you took your partner’s opinion out of the equation entirely—if you knew you would be okay financially and emotionally—which pregnancy option would you choose?
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Do you want to parent? If your only hesitation is "I can't do it alone," let’s talk. Single parenting is hard work, but women do it successfully every day. We can connect you with resources, material goods, and community support to help you succeed.
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Are you considering adoption? If you know you aren't ready to raise a child but don't want an abortion, adoption is a powerful option where you call the shots. You choose the family, and you decide how involved you want to be.
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Are you considering abortion? If this is your choice, it should not be because you are trying to please someone else. We can provide you with a factual, medical overview of the procedures and risks so you are fully informed.
Find Your "Safe Team"
If your partner isn't supporting you, you need to find people who will. This might be a parent, a trusted friend, or a mentor. You need a space where you can speak your mind without being interrupted or judged.
iChoose is that safe space.
We are a neutral third party. We don't profit from your decision. Our only goal is to ensure you are safe, informed, and empowered. When you walk through our doors, you leave the pressure outside.
You Are Stronger Than You Think
This is a heavy season, but you do not have to walk through it alone. Do not let anyone rush you into a decision that you will carry for the rest of your life.
Take a breath. Get the facts. Find your voice.
Schedule your free, confidential appointment with iChoose today or contact us. Let’s look at the future together.