It's Okay to Grieve: Understanding Your Emotions After an Abortion

When you make a decision about a pregnancy, especially an abortion, there is often a rush of immediate emotions. Most women expect a sense of relief—the "crisis" is over, and life can go on. For many, though, the feelings are complicated from the start.

You might feel a sudden wave of sadness when you see a baby in the grocery store. You might feel anger, guilt, or a sense of loss that you can’t quite name. And often, underneath it all, is a confusing thought: "I made this choice. Do I have the right to grieve it?"

At iChoose, we want you to know the answer is yes. Your feelings are valid, and you deserve a safe space to process them.

Grief Doesn't Follow a Script

Society often tells us that abortion is just a medical procedure—a quick fix that allows you to move on. Because of this, many women feel blindsided when they experience grief afterward.

Grief after an abortion is a unique kind of loss. It is often what psychologists call "disenfranchised grief"—grief that isn't openly acknowledged or socially supported. You can’t exactly send a card or hold a funeral. Because you feel like you can't talk about it, you might bury those feelings deep down.

But burying grief doesn't make it go away. It just makes it heavier.

Common Emotions You Might Feel

There is no "right" way to feel after an abortion. Your experience is your own. However, many women report feeling:

• Numbness: A feeling of being disconnected from yourself or the event.

• Regret: Wishing you could go back or feeling like you made the decision out of fear or pressure rather than desire.

• Relief (and Guilt for Feeling It): You might feel relieved that you aren't parenting right now, but then feel guilty for feeling relieved.

• Anger: You might be angry at your partner for not supporting you, angry at your situation, or angry at yourself.

All of these are normal responses to a complex life event.

The Importance of "Unpacking"

Imagine your emotions are like a suitcase you packed in a hurry. You threw everything in and zipped it shut just to get through the day. But eventually, that suitcase gets too heavy to carry. You have to open it up and sort through what’s inside.

Healing begins when you stop judging yourself for having these feelings and start allowing yourself to feel them.

• Write it down: Journaling can be a safe way to release thoughts you are afraid to speak out loud.

• Acknowledge the loss: It is okay to admit that, even if you felt abortion was your only option at the time, you still lost something.

You Don't Have to Walk Alone

The hardest part of post-abortion grief is the isolation. You might be afraid to tell your friends because they won't understand, or afraid to tell your family because they didn't know about the pregnancy.

You need a safe, confidential place where you can be honest without fear of judgment.

At iChoose, we are here for you—regardless of your past choices. We offer a compassionate environment where you can talk about your experience. Whether your abortion was last week or ten years ago, your emotional health matters to us.

Healing Is Possible

If you are struggling today, please know that this heaviness doesn't have to last forever. There is hope, and there is healing.

You don't have to carry this in silence anymore. Contact iChoose today to speak with one of our compassionate team members. Let’s start the journey toward peace, together.